Having a random hookup so left but love u
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
