I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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