i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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