sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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