make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
