In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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