we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
