Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
