then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
