How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
