Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
