actually, I'm a sock model
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
