Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
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