i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
