its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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