Dual....:-)
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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