I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
