You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
