may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
