She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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