does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
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If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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