So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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