Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
