I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
