R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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