At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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