I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Randomize
