i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i believe in u and ur pee
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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