Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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