sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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