That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
