I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
