I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
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A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
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He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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