The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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