she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
