So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
