He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
