I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
