I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
