is your mom at the bar?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
