I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
