the condom got lost in my hair
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
