One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
