just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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