My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
