i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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