If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize