You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
