So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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