I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
