hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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