he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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