so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
