Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
