she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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