Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
