but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
