You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
