im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
