i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
