Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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