okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
