hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
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So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
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