I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
