I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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