Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize