i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
