Dual....:-)
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
