...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
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Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
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My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
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