Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
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All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
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Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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